Just being real

It started last week. The feeling of not being able to keep up with the medical appointments. Carter was 9 months behind on his ENT appointment. And seriously EVERY time I would decide that 'tomorrow' I am going to call the Doctor and set up an appointment, some other wheel started squeaking and had to be greased. These wheels started really squeaking back in September of 2014. Carrie needed an adenoid/tonsillectomy. Austin was placed in Allegany Boys Camp, Jesse needed Urology recheck, Dakota, needed another physical at the Urologist, And we were sick all winter long. Yeah, we called this "The Long Winter". So one night I tell Carter, remind me tomorrow, I will call the Doctor. Well, guess what, Dakota wakes up with one monster deer tick on his ear, dark purple spot the size of the deer tick.. Hmm, we decided to get it checked out, so off we went to the Pediatrician. Wednesday, Annie needed 2 more teeth fixed and her appointment got moved up, so I told Wayne I would just take her in, 1:00 we are there and procedure is under way. We get home and this child is running and playing. 1:30 am Thursday morning she wakes up with 103.6 temperature. HOT! But that's not the worse. Around 10 am it hit 105. And we (Kayla and I) couldn't get it down. So I called the Pediatrician, and they told me I could bring her in if I would feel better about it. Well, I didn't know what else to do. This child was talking weird in her sleep, couldn't hardly wake her,, it was scaring me terrible. Once in the Doctors, they kindly informed me that it was just the flu. But I insisted it just couldn't be. A flu, I can get a high temp down, but this will not budge. Her temp was 104.1 when we got to the office. So the nurse swabbed for strep and flu. Both negative. Next cbc. Screaming ill child. Nurse pops her head in and says we need a quick weight, Doctor is on the phone with the hospital, we need to get her over there and get more tests done, actually we need to be there within 30 minutes, because registration closes. Yikes, we scrambled. Once tests were all drawn, they gave her an antibiotic shot. Oh it was terrible. My little dear screamed, and the merciless nurse's counted down. 3-2-1 JAB! Oh serious they jabbed so hard the whole needle disappeared in her little leg. One unhappy momma! We came home, to go back the next day and repeat the whole shot thing again. and No answers. We got to the office and the Doctor said, before we test for Mono, lets check her ears. OH! Says the Doctor, her ears look different, they are not infected, but we will treat this with oral antibiotics instead of the shot. We to this day do not have any answers, but the Doctor questioned picking up a bacteria in the Dentist office, or an UTI since there was traces of blood in her urine. I am just grateful I went with my momma instinct and took her in right away. Last week put me in town 5 days out of 7.
On to this week, Monday morning, Carter woke up and said his ear hurt. So I decided it is time to get this re-check done. He still has one wax corroded tube in one ear and the other ear has a hole that is 25% of his ear drum. Yes, you can see it when you look down his ear! So we went in to see Dr, Hengerer, our most loved Doctor. He has seen us through ear/tonsil/adenoid issues with 7 out of 8 children! Yep! We love him! The Doctor walks in and was so thrilled to see us, I told him that I think the children complain of ear ache so they can come see him! lol . Dr, Hengerer sweetly informed me he is retiring come June. I could have cried. And what makes it even worse he is moving out of state! That is a heart breaker, because, now who am I going to see with the children? Oh I don't like this!! Ok, back to Carter's ears... We are going to try and put off surgery till he is 8 or 9... depending on how he does in school, he can't hear very well, so we will keep track on how well he gets his sounds. But I think we have all cried about this.
Wednesday rolls around, I chat with Wayne and tell him, I think I am just going to have to call the Dentist, my tooth sure isn't getting better, and everybody says, Mom, you have a tooth ache? Yep! It's actually been hurting for a week now, and now I am the squeaky wheel! So I went to the dentist, feeling blue-if you know how terrified I am of the dentist chair, oh you would understand.. sweaty hands picking up the phone to make that call, and I quickly say "sure, I will be there at 10:45" so everybody in the house hears, they know the drill.. I hang up, and immediately say, "what time did I say I would be there"? great!! I knew I would forget. But my back up heard and helped me out. So I went alone, sweating the whole way. Worried sick. Only to find out I need a root canal done. Friday morning at 8:45 AM. Oh boy! In the mean time Wayne and I are trying to figure out how we are going to handle tomorrow...........
Thursday, we will leave the house at 4:30 am, yes you heard that right AM. We have an evaluation at camp, and weren't sure if we should take everybody... I called home and told the children, why don't they just plan to go, Dad really wants them to go and Austin would be disappointed if he couldn't see them, even if it was for 10 minutes. I than checked email on my back woods phone, and there was an email from our Family Worker saying that if we wanted to spend some time with Austin that it was an option! YES!! Don't ask!!! We want to so bad. And than the tears started running down my cheeks.. and I remember....
as a child, riding down the road. I remember the exact spot I seen it: We were on a 4 lane highway, we were driving beside another car and there was this woman  crying something terrible. Oh poor lady I thought, somebody must have died or something terrible must have happened. Back than I was young enough that it didn't hit me that you can actually cry from sheer joy! And that is what happened today!
Depression has been something that I have always fought. And the last year I have been thrilled that I finally felt like I was over coming it, maybe for good. But this last couple weeks, have been tough. It's hard to hold up my head, and go on with life. It's hard when you have a child missing from home.. It is just hard.
By 2:00 PM today I was thinking before I get overly hungry I should grab a sandwich, so I stopped by Subway. I seen there sandwiches were supposed to be $6.00 or under. I asked about the Philly cheese steak sub. No that one is about $9.00. Ok, well, give me the cheapest one than, and this voice booms behind me, "I will pay the difference, fix this lady that sandwich, she deserves to have something special". And my mouth dropped open as I turned to see the older gentleman behind me vigorously nodding his head. When I told Wayne the story tonight, I just sat and cried. I felt like I have had so many road blocks and knocks in life, and can't even be a true stay at home mom. But the confirmation through a sandwich, that God has heard, my cries, my prayers driving down the road, and my missing Austin, that He truly does love me and care about me.
Well, must go get some rest, 3:30 am is right around the corner, and I am not a morning person, so this is rather difficult for me to think about!

No pictures... Camera is in repair, but hopefully it will be in so we can pick it up tomorrow on our way back home!